Forgiving someone is hard. Like, “I’d rather do my taxes than think about this” hard. When someone wrongs us, our immediate, caveman-brain response is to build a fortress of fury, complete with a moat of “I’ll never talk to them again” and a drawbridge of “How could they?!” We huddle inside this angry castle, believing our rage is some kind of noble punishment for the offender.
But here’s a secret that will save you a lot of emotional energy: The key to forgiving someone is to remember that sometimes you’re an asshole too.
I know, I know. It’s not what you want to hear. You want to be the hero of this story, the noble victim, the one who deserves an epic apology tour. But let’s be real for a second. We’ve all had our moments. You’ve probably said something completely unhinged after a bad day, forgotten a friend’s birthday even with three calendar notifications, or accidentally — or maybe not so accidentally — eaten the last slice of pizza that was clearly earmarked for someone else.
Remember that time you promised to help your friend move but then “suddenly got sick” and spent the day binge-watching TV? Or the time you snapped at a barista because your coffee order was wrong? Yeah, that was you. That was your inner jerk making a guest appearance.
This isn’t about excusing the other person’s bad behavior. It’s about a reality check. Forgiveness isn’t about giving them a free pass; it’s about giving yourself a break. Holding onto a grudge is like carrying a bag of rocks everywhere you go, just to prove you’re mad at someone. You’re the only one getting tired.
So the next time you feel that familiar fiery indignation bubbling up, take a deep breath. Acknowledge that the person who hurt you is a fallible, messy human, just like you. And then, maybe, just maybe, let go of the rocks. Your shoulders will thank you.
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